The Triple Naught

I had some hearing loss for a number of years, but the deafness happened in a heartbeat.  I was at lunch with my wife and youngest daughter.  The waitress stopped by our table and asked, “What would you like to drink?”  And in typical fashion within a couple of minutes she dropped off the drinks and raised a notepad and pen. The unexpected was when she then mouthed the words “What would you like to eat?” My first thought was that it was a joke.  I looked at my wife who was mouthing the words, “I’d like a club sandwich, please.”

Oh, that was a surprise…

Being deaf has been quite the experience.  Before becoming deaf, I did not know anyone who was profoundly deaf, so I did not know anything about how to deal with the situation. 

Step one of course, is a default option: lip reading.  Everyone with vision reads lips to some extent.  The question becomes, “How dependent are you on lip reading?”  Well, if the waitress suddenly starts mouthing words, lip reading is essential immediately.  The bad news is that very good lip readers only comprehend around 30% of the spoken word.  I tell people all the time that I can likely read their lips if I know the subject.  But if you suddenly opt to recite the ingredients of an Italian recipe, I’ll likely lose comprehension quickly.  Parmesan, anchovies, balsamic vinegar…I don’t think so.

Recently, we have all gotten a dose of reality.  The mask mandate has opened the eyes while covering the mouths of many people that have told me, “I never realized how much I read lips until I couldn’t do it anymore.”

I am blessed to have a loving family.  My daughter immediately went into research mode when I became deaf and helped me acquire a captioned phone. 

Captions are a hoot! 

Sometimes captions are provided by people typing what they hear.  Other times captions might be computer generated from word recognition software.  To be fair, imagine typing words that might not come naturally to you, that are not spoken clearly, or might be slang.

My audiologist is headquartered at UT Southwestern Medical Center.  The department that covers my condition is Otolaryngology.  Like many businesses, UT Southwestern has a computer-generated answering system.  When you call, (if you are able) you will hear, “Welcome to UT Southwestern’s Otolaryngology Center.”

I dialed their number from a captioned phone recently and read this message:

“Welcome to UT Southwestern’s Urinal Apology Clinic.”

I took a picture of that one…

I can relate to those that have not previously considered what it might be like to be deaf. 

Last week I encountered two people in one day who were experiencing deaf for (apparently) the first time.  One instance was while I was speeding through my neighborhood streets at 20-25 mph.   I came up behind a twenty-something looking Mom pushing a dual baby stroller down the middle of the street.  My first thought was that she must have turned the corner and simply lingered in the center if the street.  My next thought was that this poor woman might actually be deaf.  But after slowing to a crawl and staying a respectable distance behind her for half a block or so, she finally realized that I was there and quickly adapted that OMG (aka triple naught) look on her face as she realized that she had been strolling down the middle of the street pushing not one, but two toddlers.  I waved a ‘no problem’ wave as I passed but did notice that she was utilizing earbuds for a cell phone.  Earbuds…inadvertently simulating the deaf experience.

Later that day on my way home, I turned onto my street.  I had thankfully toned down my speed from 20-25 mph to 15-20 mph.  One of my neighbors had a yardman working in the yard and he was attempting to blow leaves from one spot to the next.  His leaf blower was approximately the size of a jet engine and was mounted on his back.  A large hose extended to his right hand which was guiding said leaves into some breezy form of compliance.  As I approached, he backed into the street without ever looking up.  It was obvious from the vibration I felt that the sound produced by his jetpack prevented him from hearing oncoming traffic.  Leaf blowers…more simulated deafness.

In both these cases, I received the triple naught expression from these first-time deaf folks. That is: both eyes open wide with eyebrows arched to the maximum (double naught), and the ‘O’ lip formation (single naught) as though they were about to say “Oh, my goodness” or perhaps some other form of ‘Oh’ which when combined, effectively completes the rare triple naught. 

More sympathetic I could not be, but…“Oh, please be careful.”

Thanks for listening!

Your friend,

KBM

Kevin Medlin
kevin@mysilentpew.com