Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall…

A Tribute to my friend, Dr. Alan Lobaugh, upon his retirement.

He did not walk right up and extend a hand while saying, Hi, I’m Alan. Will you be my friend?

But close…It was more subtle, it needed time to evolve… it was August of 2001, when I met my friend Alan Lobaugh. He and his family were moving to Fort Worth.

We would both be attending University Christian Church,
We were both born during the Eisenhower Administration,
Our children were approximately the same ages and would be attending school together,
We were both sports fans,
At the time, we both had red hair…
And thus, the conversation began.

I am guessing that our friendship started like most friendships, through those commonalities…but I do recall that we hit it off right away.

Now, if you have ever received a non-business email from me or read musings from My Silent Pew then you might recall that I customarily sign off with ‘Your friend, KBM’.

I do not do this lightly, I believe that by putting it in writing, then I have made a mini promise to you…to be your friend. For me it is the ultimate compliment…that you will share your time here on earth with me while calling me a friend. And, I have always believed that one can never receive too many prayers or have too many friends. With his pending retirement, I have been reflecting this week on my friendship with Dr. Alan Lobaugh.

It occurs to me that one thing that Alan and I have in common is that we were both exposed to some wonderful music in our formative years. This week, the song looped on my mental jukebox, was written by Carole King, and was included on her Tapestry album in 1971. That same year, James Taylor included his number one version of You’ve Got a Friend on his award-winning album, Mud Slide Slim and the Blue Horizon. How I wish that I could tell you that the reason that this song resonates with me is because I have lived up to the heartfelt message of these lyrics by being a wonderful friend to Alan. But, like so many others, I cherish the lyrics to this tune because he has lived those words for me. You’ve Got a Friend begins with these words…

When you’re down and troubled
And you need some lovin’ care
And nothin’, oh’ nothin’ is goin’ right
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night…

Not long after the Lobaugh family arrived in Fort Worth, my father was diagnosed with stage four cancer. You know how these stories go, grim reports from the doctors, hospital stays, unimaginable treatments, and eventual hospice care. The mental toll on the survivors was heavy, but through it all I was blessed with a friend who lived up to Carole’s promise…

You just call out my name
And you know, wherever I am
I’ll come runnin’
To see you again…

I recall seeing Alan in the narthex of the chapel on the day of Dad’s funeral. He gave me a hug, telling me that I did a fine job on the eulogy. Then he shared these words that I have kept on my heart, Although I did not know your father, you described a man with many fine qualities, and I believe that he has passed them on to you.

A few years later, one of my oldest friends went missing. His elderly parents were beside themselves with worry and reached out to me for support. After several weeks of searching and coming up with little to indicate a happy outcome, I received a call from the police department indicating that they had found my friend’s body.

Could I meet them to deliver the news to his parents? Of course, the answer
was yes, but I was completely untrained for such an event. I made a quick call and put my friend Alan on the spot…could he offer any advice to an untrained messenger?

Alan shared some sage advice and offered his prayers for my ordeal. A few days later, just before the funeral, Alan found me standing alongside the pallbearers and he let me know that he was there at the service for me, to share his love and support.

If the sky above you
Grows dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together
And call my name out loud
Soon you’ll hear me knockin’ upon your door…

Alan has always told me that he would be there for me. There, in the service, there, always available for support, there, to talk, or very often, literally just to be there, with me, quietly offering an unspoken gesture of friendship.

In between all these events, life happened.

In October of 2004 at Forest Park in Fort Worth, Alan introduced me to a TCU student named Tiffany Austin. Tiff would be taking over our Youth Ministry position at church. I whispered to Alan that Tiff seemed a little subdued to be a Youth Minister, and Alan wisely suggested that he had no doubt that Tiff would do a wonderful job with our children. Life does come around…

Our kids were baptized, had their first communions, spoke at Youth Sunday events, and celebrated at high school graduations and college graduations. He and I attended baseball games, basketball games, and too many lunches to mention. He has always been there, always supportive. He has mentored Katie, and performed the marriage ceremony for Elizabeth and Andrew.

All of these events remind me of how one sided this friendship has been, but…it also reminds me that I can start working now to reciprocate.

So, let me begin by saying thank you. Thank you for shining the light of God’s love on me for the past twenty-two years!

While I am very sad for this day to come when Alan will no longer be in the pulpit, I am thrilled to be able to say to Alan that, as you move on, I would like you to remember these words:

Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I’ll be there, yes, I will…
You’ve got a friend!

Thanks for listening!

Your friend,

KBM

Kevin Medlin
kevin@mysilentpew.com